Zephyr Talks

‘Heartbeats’

Posted by: Siddhartha on: August 31, 2009

My first full-blown short story! This one is titled “Heartbeats”

HEART BEATS

The long aisles of Landmark wore an abandoned look as Arnab lazily sifted through the ‘Fiction’ titles. A four-year old whizzed past him, toy soldier in hand, being chased by his agitated mother visibly embarrassed with the child’s histrionics. Outside the bookstore, torrential showers dashed with all their might. The eager rain seemed too aroused to make love to the thirsty Earth.

‘Aaaaa-cheee!’

He looked up. Oh my God! Waltzing through the door was the most beautiful creature on Earth. He could feel his heart pounding wildly against his chest and James Blunt croon “You are beautiful” in his ears.

An exquisite beauty – a bright orange flowing skirt that purred along with her fluid movements, a T-shirt adorning her bosom that screamed ‘Let’s Play’ in leafy green, tresses wet with fresh rain idly resting over her face and a nose ring that reminded him of Sania Mirza – clouded his eyes as the world seemed to melt away.

She looked around, fingers running through the water trickling hair as her bracelets made tinkling sounds – a dazed smile across her face. Their eyes met. For a full two seconds, they stared into each other’s dilated pupils taking each other in and then the boy looked down. She suddenly felt a grip tighten in her stomach. She wasn’t sure what triggered the attraction within. But he was enchanting in a way that defied all explanation.

Arnab was busy cursing himself as he stared blankly into the pages thinking why did he not smile. In movies, cupid strikes instantly as both the hero and the girl smile at first sight. ‘Ah! It’s pretty simple. Just look up and s-m-i-l-e!” “No! Damn it!” “She would think I am a jerk”. Thoughts zoomed through his numb brain, yet nothing transitioned into action.

The girl unsure tiptoed back and forth. She stared at the rack of chocolates, absentmindedly picking up some Chocopies. A few seconds later, she again shot a look in the boy’s direction. Nope! He was still into his books. If only he would look up. His ruffled hair, intense eyes and a face dripping with warmth and intellect (at least she felt so) were driving her crazy. Her heart had started playing games she never knew it knew.

She walked past the cash counter and entered the aisle next to his. No reaction. A little dejected, she started scanning the books. “Ahem… Pretty wet, huh? Enjoying the… the… the lovely rain, I guess” – Arnab managed to utter.

“Yeah! Wouldn’t miss it for the world!” He marveled at the twinkle in her eyes as she giggled, “Although, technically, I am not allowed to get wet, you know. Mom and Dad get real cranky…”

The sound of her laughter rang in his ears making him all the more dizzy. “Yeah! Its fun to defy them sometimes and get wild. Loads of fun! I am Arnab, by the way” “Shalini” Their hands shook, the elegance of a palm-to-palm kiss lingering a second longer.

“I wouldn’t want the darling daughter to catch a cold though. Hey, ahem… can I buy you a cuppa coffee?” Damn! Arnab wondered where that came from. But he kept a straight face and tried to smile. She didn’t say anything for a few seconds (as Arnab’s heartbeats escalated limits and seconds felt like eternity) and then her lips parted gently forming the words, “I’d love to.”

Serene Happiness engulfed him as he saw her radiating with joy. He looked down upon the book he was holding. It said, “In a Heartbeat” As both of them started walking out and towards the coffee joint, their hands brushing against each others’, anticipation and uncertainty brimmed up their hearts – life was never going to be the same again.

“Maybe heartbeats do know the answers. Let them guide you. ‘Coz only they can trace through the treasure map that points towards the bountiful riches of life”. :-)


Siddhartha

13 Responses to "‘Heartbeats’"

somthing which has penitrted to the heart…..the amaizingly beautiful girl….the frnzzy rain wanting to fill love everywhere….n the strawberry sweet feeling of being carried away in charizma of love…JUST SO SO MAST!!!!GR8 DEAR….LOOKING FORWARD TO SEQUEL OF THIS STORY….

hi
very sensitive incident that might happen to our writer too.
waiting to hear from you
keep writing
keep writing more
one fine moment you will grow in to a successful financially too as a romance writer
Mills and boons competitor has arrived here and now
cheers
easwaran
bangalore

damn man……..! awesome piece of writing and also i agree to what anurag said…..

and

dont waste your time in stupid romantic shit

A good attempt. I am sorry if you find the criticism harsh but it’d definitely help.

1) I felt the short story was a bit over the top and flowery. You seemed to beg for attention in the beginning of the write up.

2) The word ‘technically’ is out of context in the 5th last paragraph. Use something general.

3) If you are writing for an Indian audience, the suggestion that parents may not allow a girl to get wet in the rains does hold true to some extent, but definitely is a big no-no when it comes to international readers.

4) Excessive usage of the word ‘damn’.

All in all it made a good read. An abstract end would have done wonders to the write up, but if you want a happy ending, well and good. Thanks for sending the link to your write up.

yar sid……….m happy at d origin of a great writer………but i do agree with adway at some points………but in all a good write up with able 2 attract attention……..

nice effort must say !! i liked the starting 2 paraghraphs most but somewhere the intro part was filmy and unrealistic ( i feel ) ….. but still good work, hope to see mork work from you :)

u leave your trademark everywhre fusing flowery language with slang… in a way its good… very well described id say….i mean each and every moment, id venture to say everyone will agree, was easily visualised which was really cool and a really important attribute…. dude you are a great write but just take care of “technicalities” and overcontrast of the language… cheers man …. from the heart i loved it…. just a few suggestions which might be included in d sequel :P

awsome….. ur gonna b a gr8 writer.. keep writing.. all d best….

i hope you’ll not delete my comment ;)
first of all i have this feeling that i’ve read fourth para somewhere else, kind of chetan bhagat shit (no offfence to your writing though).
secondly i know you can write a lot better than this sappy absolute romantic rat shit, so please use your gifted ability for some other genre, leave all this to likes of chetan bhagat and few others whose names i have forgotten after stuffing my limited brain with EPCSM (although i flunked in it!).

thirdly, considering you’ll keep writing its chapters after chapters as i can see from the ‘public’ demand reflected by the above comments, all i can suggest you is financial inflow comes when writing is in tandem with ‘public’ demand, e.g. sidney sheldon. So a simple change in 3rd para as, reminding ‘Let’s Play’ of girl’s tee of sania mirza rather than her nose ring will do wonders (you know what i mean, even though sania mirza has just been kicked out of US open after an awesome performance of 6-0 6-0 ).

Finally, i think eeswara is a bit too optimistic or he has never read any of the mills & boon, for they have lots of sex in them, good or bed but nevertheless lots of it. And this is something i am damn sure (adway keep counting!) that you can write a good sex novel, but don’t copy Tarun Tajpalistic kind of sex!

Keep writing

I sincerely wish that you become the first indian writer to win the ‘prestigious’ Bulwer-Lytton award!!

To Anurag: Your comments made good reading. I do seem to agree with you. lol!

nice effort…well story is also cool…all d best..:)

an interesting read..but then u cud hav kept the romance subtle..it was too on the face…one thing i really liked was the way in which u set d mood 4 the story by giving the rain-earth love-making comparison

too many of advices….no??;)

well…to me it was surely captivating for the first two paras( romance or no romance)!! though it held my interest till the end, i felt as if you were dying to end it as soon as possible ( i might be wrong or this can be a compliment that i wanted more of it :P )

a writer cant be caged into genres( i believe so)…some are gifted while some are limited and thats what has lead to the so called genre phenomenon…i cant say whats shit and whats not but i can say this much that i liked this one…be it romance or anything…it held me and i loved those poetic effects at the beginning!! :)

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